The Dating Matrix Blog

The One Over There..

Posted on July 2nd, 2008 by Eric Ivy

Do you buy girls drinks when interested in them? From across the bar? Completely out of earshot?

Congratulations, you are broadcasting the following:

I lack the confidence to approach
I don’t have a verbal skill set to demonstrate
I lack social intuition
The outcome of this interaction is being based 100% on my looks
I’ll just wing it if she accepts and waves me over

Now, there are rare times when this can happen successfully, but it’s never a substitute for the fundamentals. And my guess that in these cases about 98% of the guys who do this have no idea how to create attraction verbally. This is usually because of this fact they are forced to buy drinks to initiate the interaction.

You know what? It’s scary putting yourself out there. Especially when you have no idea what you are doing. I feel for these guys. They want the same me and you and every other man wants. To attract and date women we find desirable. But there is a better way to go about it. Why leave it to chance?

The technical aspects to opening, attracting, and creating rapport are a science. Constant execution makes it an art form. Hitting on a woman while making her feel she’s being hit on rarely works. Why give her a chance to reject you? Just knowing what not to do helps separate you from the large majority of guys out there.

Get the knowledge, practice the fundamentals, experience success. Simple. The Dating Matrix 28 day program…

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Holding Pattern

Posted on June 27th, 2008 by Eric Ivy

What “standard” do you need to satisfy before pursuing and integrating women in your life?

Looks like Brad Pitt
Cash like Bill Gates
Brains like Stephen Hawking
Style like George Clooney
Better Apartment
Better Car

This mindset is very typical of guys who have very little if any experience approaching women and creating relationships of any type with the opposite sex. The reason why is because for any of us who became successful opening, attracting, and dating women realize that the battle is in our heads. I can think of dozens of examples during my years of frustration of guys who had less than me in any given category dating more frequently and better looking women.

Has it occurred to you that the best looking girls are not always with the best looking guys? In fact, many guys that are dating high value girls I know are quite average in every category.

The most important aspect to focus on in the present is developing your verbal and non verbal skill set. At this point your lack of initiation has filled your head with what you believe is holding you back. But I sincerely doubt any of these things which you are allowing to hold yourself back are based on quantitative feedback from opening numerous sets of girls.

Because you believe it about yourself doesn’t mean its true. The reason I know this is because if you had the skills to approach, open, attract and create rapport with women, the “standard” to which you are holding yourself to would disappear. Simply vanish. Your success would make it irrelevant…isn’t it time you substituted knowledge and results for excuses?

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Need Value?

Posted on June 24th, 2008 by Eric Ivy

Cruising around the internet and found the following advice from a woman “expert”:

Once you need something, or you want it too badly, you forfeit your strength and lose all power of negotiation. You are in a position of weakness and you are perceived as weak. Someone (or something) else is in control of you, the situation, and it’s outcome. Men in this situation appear to be anything but confident, strong, and exciting. More, they are perceived as being unworthy and as lacking value.

Translation: Things that are easily acquired, obtained, or maintained, without any effort or sacrifice, lack value… it’s human nature.

The secret to why the cocky guy wins with women, over the nice guy, is that he is perceived as being a stronger, more confident guy with more value. How? He never invests everything — his entire being, ego, and self-worth in what one woman’s response or reaction to him is. He doesn’t gush with compliments; he isn’t always available; he doesn’t give too much; and he knows he isn’t going to die if a woman says “no” to him. More, his attitude is, yeah, I’d like to go out with you, but if I can’t, that’s OK — I’m a busy guy, with exciting things going on.

So true my dear. I see guys do this all the time, and often times when they feel out of their league with a particular woman. The questions now becomes what are the practical steps to creating value? Value in this sense is demonstrated by both verbal and non verbal skill sets. The Dating Matrix lists 6 non verbal skills which demonstrate value as well as giving you a verbal template to create attraction and therefore value. Verbal skills trump physical, so if you don’t look like David Beckham no worries.

The man she describes above has a full life. He’s not one dimensional or lacking to a point of neediness in any particular area. Women are very adept at sensing this (men make it pretty easy), but more importantly when you live your life like this the energy you carry yourself with makes it pretty obvious. But if you’re in the process of creating the life of your dreams, you can still learn how to date the women of your dreams…The Dating Matrix 28 day online program…coming soon

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Mayday Mayday

Posted on June 20th, 2008 by Eric Ivy

Bad dates are only a symptom of bad fundamentals. Ok, there are those rare exceptions when you deal with the occasional off balance freak show, but for the most part your dates should handle like an airplane on auto pilot.

Would it surprise you to know that I repeat my date templates over and over again? Why change what works? I always visit more than 1 venue, maintain attraction throughout the interaction, and breakdown rapport into what it should be: a mutual sharing of each others passions.

If you’re unable to consistently manage your social interactions into rapport, your problem is most likely systemic, not isolated. Ask yourself these questions:

What is the rapport stage?
What topics of conversation characterize it?
What is preventing me from directing the conversation into it?
Do I have content loaded and ready to go once we’re there?

My guess is that if you aren’t reaching rapport, your idea of physical escalation is attempting a good night kiss on her doorstep. Hello “Friends Zone!” Again, the problem is a basic lack of fundamentals.

A successful social interaction is built in steps, similar to building a house. Would you consider constructing the roof before the exterior walls were framed? Are you aware of how you would be perceived by those experienced in building if you tried such a thing? Are you aware that verbals and non verbals work hand in hand to create a frame that helps you achieve success with women? Most women are aware of this fact…and you should be too..

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Blind Spots

Posted on June 18th, 2008 by Eric Ivy

In order to consistently create successful interactions by executing the verbal and non verbal skill sets found in The Dating Matrix, you first have to eliminate mistakes. It actually may be the case that you could be highly skilled from a technical standpoint rather quickly, but without eliminating mistakes you won’t be able to get there.

A lot of guys have no idea of their particular blind spots and what they’re doing wrong. It may be that their verbal/ non verbal skill sets are ok, but that their grooming habits are holding them back. A poorly groomed man (think excessive protruding nostril hair) can rarely overcome the negative perception it causes when approaching and opening women. That’s why a program that’s going to be successful must be comprehensive. The Dating Matrix 28 day online program walks members all the way from creating relationship goals, completing needs analyses in the areas of grooming, wardrobe, living space, and budgeting to date templates, relationship management, and physical escalation.

Getting better at something that you’ve never before experienced success requires more than just knowledge and know how. It requires an alteration of your self concept. If your past failures have embedded in your mind that you will never be good with women, that’s an obstacle you’ll have to overcome as part of your success. A comprehensive program that addresses change at every level and creates an interactive accountability record/action step task list that takes it out of your head and into your life is the only way I know how to do that…

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Frame Your Game

Posted on June 12th, 2008 by Eric Ivy

Skill set…Skill set…Skill set….I feel like John Wooden (ex coach of UCLA) who always stressed the fundamentals. The skill set combined with the fundamentals acts as a beacon to where you are in the process. Oh, you’ve already opened her and pivoted to normal conversation? You are now working your attraction material. You’ve successfully sparked attraction? You’re now entering the screening phase. And so on and so on.

When you have a model for successful interactions with women, why would you ever not know what to do on a date? Why would you defer to the old way when you have the knowledge to advance said interaction by expressing authentic parts of your personality in each stage of the model? I’m completely convinced every guy has interesting stories and experiences; but most guys don’t know the means by which to “package” them in an interesting and enthusiastic way.

If you’re good at getting first dates but never repeat dates, you lack knowledge. Perhaps you are a good looking guy, or can open girls with your wit and sense of humor. But what separates the boys from men and where the rubber hits the road is in the rapport stage. The rapport stage is what creates emotional bonding and is the gateway to physical intimacy. Getting a lot of first time dates can be an ego trip…learning to close with a majority of them is a life changer…

PS I want to thank all of you who were able to listen to my live radio interview yesterday and provided feedback…The Dating Matrix will give you the blue print you need to be successful with women…thanks fellas!

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Check 2 1 2

Posted on June 10th, 2008 by Eric Ivy

Sorry for my inconsistency this week but we are making the final pull for the site to be operational by month end-

For those of you in the Midwest, I’m doing a radio show with Roxanne from The Rox Report Wednesay, June 11. We air live from 6.30 am to 7.00 am on WAPI 1070, Birmingham AL.

Peace

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Spare the Rod..

Posted on June 6th, 2008 by Eric Ivy

Ultimately, your success with women does not exist in a vacuum. If you’re able to internalize the technical skills and practice them in field, your success will change you as a person. I mean, that’s really the whole point. If you found a way to advance yourself and create new results in your life, would you continue with it or go back to the old limiting way? And don’t you think if you began having success in an area of your life you never did before, changed the way your perceived it, and had the ability to affect real change, your entire quality of life would benefit?

However there is a caveat to your new success. You can’t continue to do what you used to do. It simply doesn’t work. And that’s really where guys ultimately fail or succeed. And that’s exactly why The Dating Matrix 28 day online program succeeds where others fail. The process to approach, open, attract, pivot, clarify, date and create adult relationships with women you desire is broken down step by step into 12 modules over 28 days. There are action steps the results of which are recorded in your own personal interactive accountability record. You have pending tasks to complete for each day based on your own personal calendar. All of this means you don’t have a chance to screw it up because it’s a daily part of your life. Step by step. You are accountable. In addition, you can email me anytime or ask questions on the members’ forum.

The only real question now is…can you wait until the end of June… :)

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Diagonsis: Persistent Approach Anxiety

Posted on June 4th, 2008 by Eric Ivy

Dating high value women (models, celebrities, extremely wealthy, etc) is really no different from dating other women. The non verbal/verbal skill sets don’t change. Unfortunately what usually changes is you. If you don’t have experience yet dating high value women (it actually happens to most inexperienced men with all types of women), you might experience what I call persistent anxiety approach. Side effects include but are not limited to:

Loss of frame control
Nice guy itis
Loss of attraction
Failure to execute Physical game

That’s interesting, it sounds like I’m describing an ideal same sex friend. Duh! And that’s why persistent anxiety approach during the date nearly always results in being jettisoned to the Friend Zone.

High value women generally have higher expectations about who they date because they’re able to attract high value men. Inexperienced men who are lucky enough to get a date with a high value woman often times drop the ball because of this. He doesn’t think he “measures up” and becomes intimidated and therefore loses the nerve to execute.

Would you be interested in learning that I template my dates and often times repeat sequences, state changes, and actions constantly? I know what works and I’ve created my frame to represent those aspects which I know women can relate to.

The “Lack of chemistry”‘ as most women would describe a date with a man suffering from persistent anxiety approach is completely avoidable. It starts with a knowledge base of technical skills and then and action plan to execute them. It’s called The Dating Matrix…

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Who’s Frame Is It Anyway?

Posted on June 2nd, 2008 by Eric Ivy

When you approach a set, I always advocate maintaining an energy level slightly above your target. Higher energy levels are consistent with attraction generating characteristics such as enthusiasm, self belief or confidence, humor, and being positive. You want your gravitational pull to be stronger then the pull of who you are approaching. A higher energy level will help establish your frame as the dominant one. If your target (and people in general) are drawn into your frame, it automatically allows you greater freedom in the interaction to move in the direction you want it to.

Why is this important? Because the verbal/non verbal skills designed to advance your game are built on steps. To realize whatever relationship goal you define, it generally requires that you spend time/express material along that linear path. If you control the frame, you’re in the drivers seat to execute the steps.

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Holding Pattern

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